once upon a time.

Guys I lurve my new phone.

This is slightly strange coming from the girl that has had so many terrible phones--and not cared one bit.

Really. This conversation has happened so many times I've lost count

"Oh my GOSH, look at your phone! How do you see what you're doing?!"

"I've almost memorized where all the buttons are on the screen."

or something resembling the following...

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"Sure, but you have to tap the right side three times, count to ten in Spanish, eat a doughnut while singing the national anthem and dial the first three digits under water. Also, it needs to stay plugged in because the battery disintegrated."

I didn't care! It had character! Email on my phone?! What is this space-age technological nonsense? Internet? Psh.

And yes. I had an iPhone. It was glorious and I felt hip and like I could get jiggy with it and...whatever.

An iPhone automatically makes you kewl.

Ahha, except then it fell in love with my bathroom floor and could not be reasoned with.

Meaning...I dropped it on the tile floor and the screen broke a whole bunch.

BUT GUYS. I could still see the buttons for the most part and it made me feel like a hipster, since no one else had my exact phone. The coolness of me is exhausting at times. 

BUT THEN. Phoebe had a birthday. Her phone liked to do tricks, like falling down the stairs and landing in a fiery pit of despair. And what a good trick that was! It continued rising from the ashes for over a year.

"I'll get Phoebe a new phone for her birthday!"

*picks out shiny new phone for sister*

....

So, long story long, I got there and found out that had a free upgrade. *light bulb* 

I sat in my car for a good 20 minutes saying to no one...

"So THIS is what a new phone is like?!!"

"LOOK AT THE COLORS!"

"A VIDEO CAMERA!? This is rich."

"Oh man, no instagram. BUT A BATTERY! A screen in one piece! Expandable memory!!"

CALL ALL THE FRIENDS!

The end.